Home and Family

Many parents may not be aware of what it takes to be an intentional parent. Of course, parenting is an ongoing process that teaches parents new things each day and leaves much more that needs to be learnt before they become a good parent. With their busy schedules, it is hard enough for them to be a good parent and intentional parenting may seem quite daunting and unattainable at first.

Not Necessarily Perfect Parenting

Intentional parenting may not be perfect parenting; instead, it refers to a parent that has mentally determined that some action or result related to parenting need to be performed. In other words, the intentional parent is an “on purpose” parent. Parents often tend to react to their children rather than have a plan that they have prepared in advance. This is a tendency that parents readily acknowledge, but do little about.

Some reasons that contribute to intentional parenting being difficult to achieve are vision, know-how and accountability. Furthermore, the biggest obstacle to intentional parenting begins in the mind – there may not be enough time for contemplating what hangs in the balance. In other words, parents often fail to realize what can be gained and what is lost if they do not invest in their children through intentional parenting.

Lack of know-how is another challenge facing parents. Parents will often be at a loss to visualize what intentional parenting looks and feels like, and what it all about is. This means that parents’ lack a plan of action and it can be compared to driving in a foreign country without a map for guidance. To get over this shortcoming, parents need to read, research, and utilize resources to get started on the road to intentional parenting. It may even necessitate changing their strategy and approach towards the child.

After developing the vision and plan of action, there is still the task of implementing the intentional parenting concept. Being accountable is a good first step in this direction because when the parent deviates from the path of intentional parenting and may be slipping, accountability will enable the parent to get back on course and escape the mistake of falling out of habit.

With all these well meaning thoughts and ideas in place, it only remains to act with energy and time which, for busy parents, seems to be always in short supply. Nevertheless, with courage one can become a good parent. Every parent should be able to muster up enough courage and take the intentional parenting path, to achieve betterment of both child and parent.

There is no denying that homosexual parenthood is now a valid personal choice. Along with the increasing acceptance for homosexuality comes the increasing acceptance for homosexual parenthood. It cannot be denied however that homosexual parenthood still has a tremendous share of challenges. Homosexual parents may be in need of a good parenting article to help them through. The fact is, the practical parenting article for homosexual parents is not that easy to come across. This is because the common parenting article for same sex parents may involve in varying degrees a history of homosexuality, current views on homosexuality and experiential accounts. What is a parenting article for homosexual parents trying to tell us?

While a good parenting article should include some practical tips, a parenting article for homosexual parents should also include a lot of other things. This is because a parenting article for homosexual parents should also show the reality of how homosexuality is accepted in today’s society. Yes, your parenting article may tell you that many people are now accepting homosexuality and same sex parenthood as a valid way of life. On the other hand each and every parenting article for homosexual parents also tells you that homosexuality is still very much a controversial issue.

Your typical parenting article will tell you for example that among some higher ranking government officials, the concept of same sex marriage and parenthood is still not accepted. Your parenting article will also tell you that many other religious institutions, social groups and individuals merely diplomatically couch their words of disagreement and criticism. You will also be told that bullying in schools of children of same sex parents is still very much a reality. Why do homosexual parents need to know about all this?

A parenting article for homosexual parents should be able to inform parents of the present truths about homosexuality and how children of homosexual parents are actually treated. Such knowledge can better prepare homosexual parents for the unique challenges of homosexual parenthood. How can kids for example be taught confidence if they are derided in school? How can you expect your child to accept and understand your chosen way of life if his outside social environment is telling him not to?

A good parenting article therefore for homosexual parents should look into realities first before anything else to educate same sex parents. On a more positive light, a parenting article may also show the actual optimistic truths about homosexual parenthood. Reading in a parenting article about the good aspects of homosexual parenthood is both encouraging for homosexual parents and a way for them to educate their children about their family situation.

It is for example positively enlightening to know that according to studies, same sex parents are also capable of rearing healthy, normal and socially functional children. Many children of homosexuals are also able to develop meaningful relationships with people around them. Articles for homosexual parents should therefore invariably educate and encourage. Parenting articles for homosexual parents show the uncolored truth about homosexual parenthood, with all its parental joys and challenges.

Want to successfully raise your children after divorce? Communication is a must! Though many divorcing couples would like nothing better than to sever ties, former spouses do become co parents. And clearly some co parenting situations are stressful. The negotiation process, which may have failed during the marriage, is dissolved. Many of the responsibilities of the past are gone with the onset of divorce; however, one remains. Co parenting your children is an ongoing, life-long job.

After divorce, parents sometimes feel free to express themselves and make individual parenting choices. This parenting isolation, however, puts children in a difficult situation. Children who are raised in two homes with two distinctive styles can become confused and emotionally unsettled. Parents need to remain in contact, which isn’t so easy if parents don’t like each other. At times, recommending contact is like forcing a child to eat broccoli.

Many therapists recommend email communication for co parents. Writing an email can be non-threatening— if done properly. “Properly” is the key word here. I have spent years being copied on emails that frankly shocked me. Thus, to co-parent properly via email, parents can use a format that I call Kid News. Here’s what it might look like:

Kid News

• School: Grades, homework, incidents at school, forms that need to be filled out etc.
• Health:   Colds, doctors’ appointments, dentist, counseling, moods, puberty etc.
• Financial: Payments due or parenting plan division of costs for activities, medical etc.
• Schedule Changes: Upcoming changes to the current schedule, changes in your child’s plans, residential and holiday times etc.
• Vacations: Clarification of times and plans – phone numbers etc.
• Upcoming Events: Social, school, extracurricular or sport activities in which your child has expressed an interest.

Each family will have different items in their “Kid News.” Issues can be added as they arise. There are, however, two things to keep in mind. Firstly, children do best when they travel home to home rather than planet to planet. That is to say, that a consistent daily schedule is important. For instance, if while at mom’s home the child does his homework right after school, it is best if he does his homework after school at dad’s house too. If the schedule can be kept as consistent as possible, then the children will flow from one home to the other with ease.

Secondly, children have moods, develop phobias, and change developmentally rather quickly. “Kids News” can be a place to share concerns or observed changes. Finally, it is important to note that this is not the forum to discuss issues between parents. A line must be drawn between your personal relationship and your co-parenting responsibilities.

To make this work, parents pick a day to send their news based on the parenting plan schedule. If you drop off the children to their other home on Sunday night, send the Kid News on Monday. Write the newsletter using only the facts: “David had a cold this weekend. He rested and seems to be doing fine now.” Or “Julie gave me a form for school pictures. I copied it and put the form back in her backpack.” And be sure not to give instructions to the other parent like, “Make sure you give David his cough syrup at night.” You can say, “He slept well when he was given cough syrup at night.” Co parents must realize their range of influence over the other parent is limited. In my experience most parent-to-parent challenges are due to the desire for control over the other parent.

Both parents need to send news from their personal perspective and experience with the children. Always respond to the other parent’s news. Check through each item to see if a response is needed and, if not, thank the other parent for the effort. This will limit needless email contact. Finally, if you are the parent who is interested in Kid News and the other is not, continue to write. The other parent’s behavior should not influence the way you do your job.

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